#Goals

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Cheers to us for making it midway through January! Whether you are pursuing new goals, cultivating a new passion, or just trying to maintain a healthy path for the new year, it is important to be your own champion. 

For many, mid-month is when it gets tough to sustain momentum. The alarm clock goes off, but getting your feet on the floor for that morning workout is so much harder than last week. Or maybe you haven't started the new blog yet like you promised yourself you would, and already feel defeated. It could be that a major family event or illness has come up, and pushed you off track from investing time in reaching your goal. 

Or hey, maybe you've been going strong since January 1 and want to create a plan to keep your progress sustainable.

Wherever you're at, the first step toward any personal success is to know yourself. This is the bedrock of every habit forming ingredient - motivation, consistency, planning, and persistence. To know what will be most effective for us personally, we need to be familiar with how we individually respond to internal and external expectations.

A great starting place for more insight about these expectations is the Four Tendencies, a personality profile created by Gretchen Rubin. This model suggests that people fit into one of four categories, depending on how they meet internal and external expectations. The Four Tendencies are:

  • Upholder - Meets outer and inner expectations.

  • Obliger - Meets outer expectations but resists inner expectations.

  • Questioner - Resists outer expectations but meets inner expectations.

  • Rebel - Resists outer expectations and inner expectations.

You might already have an idea of which type you are, or feel like a mixture of more than one type. Of course, we all have instances where we act outside our typical pattern because the importance of doing so is great. But the majority of our action/inaction will align with one of these types.

As a Questioner, I have a need for clarity and to understand the "why" of any goal or idea before I act. This can lead to hours of endless research comparing ideas or products to one another. Don't ask me how long it took me to find the "perfect" winter moisturizer. Okay, it took two hours (of checking Amazon, scouring ingredient lists, and reading articles about the function of hyaluronic acid). However, once I am convinced of something's validity or effectiveness, it's not hard for me to put my convictions into action.

Reading The Four Tendencies and learning about my type has helped me create a plan for my success in 2018. To satisfy my search for "why" and really accomplish things, I know that I need established deadlines, clarity of purpose, and advice from respected experts who have already done the research. Now, I can craft my goals so they incorporate these things, making me more likely to get where I want to go.

It can be frustrating when making changes doesn't come as easily as we want. I wish all the time that I could make decisions faster and not get stuck in "analysis paralysis." But when I choose to work with the strengths that I have, rather than the ones I wish I had, I can make real strides. 

This year, let's not waste any more time trying to reach goals with self-defeating methods. When we look toward what we want to accomplish, let us see hope in the methods that work for us individually. There is no shame in doing what works for you. Rather, we can be proud of ourselves for embracing the unique way we operate, and growing from that place.

Henry Beecher Stowe, a prominent abolitionist and preacher during the Civil War, said that, "Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right using of strength." May we all leverage our personal strengths and self-understanding to become champions this year!


If anything from this post stands out to you, please feel free to comment! As always, if you're looking to begin counseling or pursue some of these ideas, you can reach me at:

address: 4205 Hillsboro Pike (Suite 305), Nashville, TN 37215

phone: (615) 208-4136

email


Guest post written by Grace Van Winkle

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Big Changes this Holiday Season

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As 2017 comes to a close, I wanted to blog about some quick, but very important updates regarding the future of Restoration Therapy Nashville/Brentwood. 

Moving: It has been challenging  to fit in over 30 clients into about 1.5 days in office each week in Nashville and Brentwood.  So, I have procured a new full-time office location to make scheduling much easier for everyone.  The new location will open January 1st, 2018 and both prior locations will be closing.  Until then, we will meet at our normal space.  The new location address is:

4205 Hillsboro Pike (Suite 305 – Hobbs Building), Nashville, TN 37215

The new office has a lovely waiting area, coffee/water, and the most comfortable couches in the Nashville area!  Also, parking is free and right on site.    

Groups: One of the things I have been really interested in pursuing and will now have the space to move forward on are groups. Here are fliers for both upcoming groups and they link to my groups page where you can find more information and inquire! 

Thank you for making it through this long blog!  I greatly appreciate the chance to work with you and hope this holiday is filled with reflection and joy for you and your loved ones.  

Reviews: In today's world, reviews make a huge difference in online presence.  If therapy has been helpful for you and you would be willing to take a moment and write a review on one of the platforms I am listed on, it would be greatly appreciated.  Click HERE to find links for review.   

If you know of anyone in need of a therapist, I will be taking on new clients. Please feel free to pass along my information. 

Happy Holidays,

Dave Jaeger M.M.F.T.

 

Lonely

"I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself"

"I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself"

Trends.  In the therapy setting, I often see particular themes in the lives of my clients and in my own personal journey.  

Today, I thought I would address one trend I am seeing a lot of lately.  Loneliness.  

Loneliness defined:

  • sadness because one has no friends or company. (This is harsh right???)

  • the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.

Loneliness sounds like:

  • "People are not interested in me"

  • "I don't want to be a burden to others"

  • "Sometimes it is easier to just stay home"

  • "I am too much...or not enough"

Loneliness feels like:

  • Lost with no direction...feeling there is no way out

  • Numbness, lacking control

  • Nothingness

We all experience loneliness in our lives.  Some experience it for longer periods/more frequently than others.  Loneliness happens often because we have moved, a relationship has ended, during travel, or when we miss home.  Those situations are a normal part of life and we often don't have much control over them.   

However, there is a second kind of loneliness.  This form is often more difficult and happens when we feel a deep seeded sense something is wrong with us, we don't fit, and feel hopeless in the ability to create real connection.  No circumstance causes this, it is more a place we find ourselves in.  Even if we did connect, we feel that quickly people would see through us and find beneath the surface a person not worth knowing.  

This loneliness tells us it is easier to stay home and watch Netflix than to connect.  It leaves us feeling like every call/invite we receive is not a genuine invite or comes from a place of others feeling bad for us or obligated to invite us.  Why would others want us around?  Why would anyone care how I am doing?  

It reminds me of a Donald Miller Quote from Blue Like Jazz where he says: "I have always been afraid those who know me a little will like me a lot, but those who know me a lot will like me a little".  Loneliness can leave us feeling like friends can and most likely will leave at any moment.  If failure is inevitable, we feel hopeless in even trying...we quit seeking connection before we even give it a shot.  We eliminate ourselves before the game has even started.  

Failing by not trying is easier than failing when we put in effort and are left rejected.  Fear of rejection may be the single biggest driver of loneliness.  We fear, so we try to protect ourselves. An easy way to do that is to isolate.  We can't get hurt when we isolate.  

But we can get lonely.  

I have many more thoughts on this I will share over the next few weeks.  For now, I would love to hear your thoughts on loneliness, its causation, its escalation, or simply what it feels like.  Hope to hear from you...until next time.

As always, you can find me here:

Miller, D. (2007). Blue like jazz. Logia. 

Mindfulness

Many of my clients find themselves dealing with anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and a general frustration with trying to slow their brain down.  

They share how the above list interferes with family time, weekends, productivity, and steals peace of mind.  A brain that never stops is exhausting.  It is also a nemesis that leaves us often feeling stuck in our attempts to find a solution.  

One resource I personally use and many of my clients find helpful comes in the form of an app called Headspace.  Headspace offers guided mindfulness exercises that typically last about 10 minutes each.  If you use the free version, you will have unlimited access to 10 guided mindfulness exercises.  Let the guide (Andy), do all the work, and you get to simply relax and get lost in a journey of breathing, relaxing, and re-centering.  

I hope this resource can not only be helpful for you, but also add some tools to your belt that you can use throughout the week to check-in with yourself, slow down, and refocus. The whole idea is getting our mind and body back to the present moment.  Our entire life is composed of present moments.  I find many of us spend more time in the unpredictable future and the unchangeable past than being here, now.  

Join myself, and a number of my clients in this journey and let me know what you think of it.  I wish you the best this Friday and hope this weekend will be filled with you living fully in each moment.  Moments are all we get!

As always, you can find me, here:

909 18th Ave South, Nashville, TN 37212 - Restoration Therapy Nashville

9005 Overlook Blvd, Brentwood, TN 37027 - Restoration Therapy Brentwood

(615) 428-5513

Meditation and sleep made simple. Headspace. (n.d.). Retrieved October 28, 2021, from https://www.headspace.com/. 

Intrusive/Negative Thoughts

Intrusive/Negative Thoughts

Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, Trauma, and many other mental health concerns often are held in place by intrusive negative thoughts.  We can often feel victims who have no control over these unwanted thoughts.  Perhaps, there are options to work towards addressing these negative thoughts that can bring relief?

Stopping by Woods on a Snowey Evening - Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.   
His house is in the village though;   
He will not see me stopping here   
To watch his woods fill up with snow.   
 
My little horse must think it queer   
To stop without a farmhouse near   
Between the woods and frozen lake   
The darkest evening of the year.   
 
He gives his harness bells a shake   
To ask if there is some mistake.   
The only other sound’s the sweep   
Of easy wind and downy flake.   
 
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I sleep,   
And miles to go before I sleep.
                             -Robert Frost

 

I found this commentary on the poem quite interesting and you can find it here:

"Have you ever wanted to escape from the world for a little while? Perhaps to go watch some woods fill up with snow? Leave Facebook to accumulate friend requests and wall posts for you, let the e-mails pile up, record a mischievous away message on your cell phone, stuff the homework, the papers, and the tests under the bed? Well, then this is a poem for you.

Sometimes we crave a little vacation from responsibility. Sometimes we get hungry for alone time like the speaker does in "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening." In a world in which we are constantly stimulated by the Internet, TV, phones, and ads, and in a world in which we are busy, do we get to spend much time alone?" (Shmoop Editorial Team, 2008)

Thoughts worth pondering.  I shared this today as I reflect on how busy life has been and my yearning to slow down and seek peace...hope this connects with you as well.

As always, you can find me at:

Restoration Therapy Nashville - 909 18th Ave South, Nashville, TN 37212

or

Restoration Therapy Brentwood - 9005 Overlook Drive, Brentwood, TN 37027

(615) 428-5513

Shmoop Editorial Team. (2008, November 11). Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. Retrieved May 18, 2017, from http://www.shmoop.com/stopping-by-woods-on-a-snowy-evening/