...that thou mightest be ready in such a time as this?
-Esther 4:14
The blank page, empty canvas, the unknown trail ahead. Each loaded with potential, opportunity, and adventure yet, at the same moment, blank, empty, unknown. Often the sheer potential of starting can be so overwhelming it can paralyze us. Beginnings can feel lonely. They can leave us feeling lost without even having started. The parallels to our own journey towards wellness are deep.
Where do we start? Often these journeys begin with an idea, recognition of a problem, desiring something new, or a sense of discomfort. This awareness is indeed the first step in any process. However, often in the journey towards wellness, a critical second step is often overlooked amidst the ambition to get started.
I am convinced that this critical second step is at the root of the lack of success many experience over and over again as they seek wellness. Yet, this step remains hard to recognize and often goes unnoticed on our journey.
This critical step is embracing self-acceptance, self-worth, self-compassion, and the belief that this journey is worth taking. Quite simply, it is recognizing that you are worth the time, effort, and investment in this process. That you are worth it now, as you are, rather than as you "could" or feel like you "should" be.
You see, positive change never really sinks in when we are attempting to earn our value and worth. I am not sure why, and I wish it were different, as attempting to earn our worth seems to be our most natural instinct. Earning our worth carries the assumption that currently, we are not deserving of value, acceptance, and love. This is an important idea to note, for if I currently feel unworthy, it will be impossible for me to achieve wellness.
Starting a process of seeking positive change without believing I'm worth it is similar to leaving on a trip with a empty tank of gas. When I try to start moving, I find that I run out of motivation quickly. Every road block is another reason why I am still not worth it, every failure another example solidifying why I am not good enough, and every person who leaves me or makes a cutting remark another confirmation that I am not valuable.
One can quickly see that this mentality can suffocate change before it has begun.
Often, we start our journey towards health by making a to-do list that we cannot possibly achieve. We put off acknowledging our worth until change has been achieved. We seek an idealized level of change that may be impossible to reach, as often what we have in mind is some version of perfection.
Perhaps, the journey toward wellness is better started by choosing to accept yourself as you are. Choosing to spend intentional time coming up with a solid list of reasons why you are worth it. Finding a group of people who will un-conditionally walk alongside of you through it all. Coming up with ways that you can show yourself self-compassion each day.
Perhaps, it starts with realizing that you are worth it as you are, innately, and offering yourself grace.
You are not a puzzle of broken pieces.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Knit together in your mothers womb. -Psalm 139
Perhaps, you are made for such a time as this.
Resources
The Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning
Manning, B. (2015). The ragamuffin gospel. Multnomah Books.
Becoming the Beloved - Henri Nouwen - below
