Pictures and details for the new Restoration Therapy office.
Intrusive/Negative Thoughts
Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, Trauma, and many other mental health concerns often are held in place by intrusive negative thoughts. We can often feel victims who have no control over these unwanted thoughts. Perhaps, there are options to work towards addressing these negative thoughts that can bring relief?
Book Review - Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
I recently finished this book and it will go down as one of the most important reads of my life. Dr. Neff takes on the senselessness of the self-critical mind many of us deal with on a regular basis. She does this through rational thought, specific examples, and offers incredible resources and exercises to help develop a sense of self compassion.
If you have or are currently dealing with anxiety, negative thoughts, intrusive thoughts, body pain, a critical view of self, perfectionism, stress, or are simply in a hard time of life, this book will be an incredible resource.
Neff, K. (2013). Self compassion. Hodder & Stoughton.
You are also welcome to set up an appointment and dig deeper into making self compassion more prominent in your life. I have office hours in Nashville on Thursday evenings and Saturdays (909 18th Ave South, Nashville, TN 37212), or Mondays in Brentwood (9005 Overlook Drive, Brentwood, TN 37027). You can schedule an appointment here:
Such a Time as This
...that thou mightest be ready in such a time as this?
-Esther 4:14
The blank page, empty canvas, the unknown trail ahead. Each loaded with potential, opportunity, and adventure yet, at the same moment, blank, empty, unknown. Often the sheer potential of starting can be so overwhelming it can paralyze us. Beginnings can feel lonely. They can leave us feeling lost without even having started. The parallels to our own journey towards wellness are deep.
Where do we start? Often these journeys begin with an idea, recognition of a problem, desiring something new, or a sense of discomfort. This awareness is indeed the first step in any process. However, often in the journey towards wellness, a critical second step is often overlooked amidst the ambition to get started.
I am convinced that this critical second step is at the root of the lack of success many experience over and over again as they seek wellness. Yet, this step remains hard to recognize and often goes unnoticed on our journey.
This critical step is embracing self-acceptance, self-worth, self-compassion, and the belief that this journey is worth taking. Quite simply, it is recognizing that you are worth the time, effort, and investment in this process. That you are worth it now, as you are, rather than as you "could" or feel like you "should" be.
You see, positive change never really sinks in when we are attempting to earn our value and worth. I am not sure why, and I wish it were different, as attempting to earn our worth seems to be our most natural instinct. Earning our worth carries the assumption that currently, we are not deserving of value, acceptance, and love. This is an important idea to note, for if I currently feel unworthy, it will be impossible for me to achieve wellness.
Starting a process of seeking positive change without believing I'm worth it is similar to leaving on a trip with a empty tank of gas. When I try to start moving, I find that I run out of motivation quickly. Every road block is another reason why I am still not worth it, every failure another example solidifying why I am not good enough, and every person who leaves me or makes a cutting remark another confirmation that I am not valuable.
One can quickly see that this mentality can suffocate change before it has begun.
Often, we start our journey towards health by making a to-do list that we cannot possibly achieve. We put off acknowledging our worth until change has been achieved. We seek an idealized level of change that may be impossible to reach, as often what we have in mind is some version of perfection.
Perhaps, the journey toward wellness is better started by choosing to accept yourself as you are. Choosing to spend intentional time coming up with a solid list of reasons why you are worth it. Finding a group of people who will un-conditionally walk alongside of you through it all. Coming up with ways that you can show yourself self-compassion each day.
Perhaps, it starts with realizing that you are worth it as you are, innately, and offering yourself grace.
You are not a puzzle of broken pieces.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Knit together in your mothers womb. -Psalm 139
Perhaps, you are made for such a time as this.
Resources
The Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning
Manning, B. (2015). The ragamuffin gospel. Multnomah Books.
Becoming the Beloved - Henri Nouwen - below
Thoughts on Change
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"
-Socrates
It seems to me that one of the biggest barriers for folks considering counseling is questioning if change is possible. We hear stories of change happening. However, when we reflect on our own relational/inner challenges, change often appears out of reach.
Responding differently to those who frustrate us, engaging our fear, not playing anxiety's games, refusing to allow depression to keep us isolated, or truly listening to our emotions (all different forms of change), can often feel as complex as learning a new language. And, unfortunately, we haven't found pills that cure anxiety or fix your marriage yet.
Change is difficult.
We live in a culture where we are incredibly hard on ourselves. We are surrounded by pictures/movies/ads/voices/friends that can make the best of us seem to be lacking in one area or another. Feeling "less than", "not enough", or "too much" are now common thoughts for many of us. Our self-expectation quickly can become unrealistic, and unhealthy.
Sadly, all this pressure we load on ourselves does not motivate change. It appears to overload us with shame, guilt, and fear instead. These negative emotions/motivations are not solid ground on which to seek change.
As a matter of fact, those motivations are often the single most common reason change eludes us. Every time we fall short, the "hard on ourselves" voice repeats the "not good enough..." lines. Then, often after we fall short of our unhealthy expectations a few times, those little negative tapes in our heads make a small, but dangerous turn.
They sneakily switch from "I'm not good enough" to "I'll never be good enough".
How do we break some of these negative patterns/cycles? Here are a few thoughts I have been tossing around:
What if pursuit of change was centered on a motivation that you are enough just as you are...right now?
What if one of your primary focuses in regard to change was living in the present moment? The unchangeable past and unpredictable future are breeding grounds for shame, regret, worry, anxiety, and fear. What if you spent your time and energy on here and now?
What if changed ceased to be about earning love, worth, or value, but rather was about accepting that you, in your most vulnerable humanity, are lovable? Accepting that your imperfections make you lovable.
What if it means taking care of yourself, listening to your heart, body, and responding to those needs?
What if caring for yourself was not selfish, but critically important?
What if it was about living the life you want, as much as possible, today?
What if the focus wasn't fixing something broken (negative), but building something new (positive)?
What if...
This is a beautiful story of change. It's not easy, but it's possible.
