It seems to me that one of the biggest barriers for folks considering counseling is questioning if change is possible. We hear stories of change happening. However, when we reflect on our own relational/inner challenges, change often appears out of reach.
Responding differently to those who frustrate us, engaging our fear, not playing anxiety's games, refusing to allow depression to keep us isolated, or truly listening to our emotions (all different forms of change), can often feel as complex as learning a new language. And, unfortunately, we haven't found pills that cure anxiety or fix your marriage yet.
Change is difficult.
We live in a culture where we are incredibly hard on ourselves. We are surrounded by pictures/movies/ads/voices/friends that can make the best of us seem to be lacking in one area or another. Feeling "less than", "not enough", or "too much" are now common thoughts for many of us. Our self-expectation quickly can become unrealistic, and unhealthy.
Sadly, all this pressure we load on ourselves does not motivate change. It appears to overload us with shame, guilt, and fear instead. These negative emotions/motivations are not solid ground on which to seek change.
As a matter of fact, those motivations are often the single most common reason change eludes us. Every time we fall short, the "hard on ourselves" voice repeats the "not good enough..." lines. Then, often after we fall short of our unhealthy expectations a few times, those little negative tapes in our heads make a small, but dangerous turn.
They sneakily switch from "I'm not good enough" to "I'll never be good enough".
How do we break some of these negative patterns/cycles? Here are a few thoughts I have been tossing around:
What if pursuit of change was centered on a motivation that you are enough just as you are...right now?
What if one of your primary focuses in regard to change was living in the present moment? The unchangeable past and unpredictable future are breeding grounds for shame, regret, worry, anxiety, and fear. What if you spent your time and energy on here and now?
What if changed ceased to be about earning love, worth, or value, but rather was about accepting that you, in your most vulnerable humanity, are lovable? Accepting that your imperfections make you lovable.
What if it means taking care of yourself, listening to your heart, body, and responding to those needs?
What if caring for yourself was not selfish, but critically important?
What if it was about living the life you want, as much as possible, today?
What if the focus wasn't fixing something broken (negative), but building something new (positive)?
What if...
