Big Changes this Holiday Season

As 2017 comes to a close, I wanted to blog about some quick, but very important updates regarding the future of Restoration Therapy Nashville/Brentwood. 

Moving: It has been challenging  to fit in over 30 clients into about 1.5 days in office each week in Nashville and Brentwood.  So, I have procured a new full-time office location to make scheduling much easier for everyone.  The new location will open January 1st, 2018 and both prior locations will be closing.  Until then, we will meet at our normal space.  The new location address is:

4205 Hillsboro Pike (Suite 305 – Hobbs Building), Nashville, TN 37215

The new office has a lovely waiting area, coffee/water, and the most comfortable couches in the Nashville area!  Also, parking is free and right on site.    

Groups: One of the things I have been really interested in pursuing and will now have the space to move forward on are groups. Here are fliers for both upcoming groups and they link to my groups page where you can find more information and inquire! 

Thank you for making it through this long blog!  I greatly appreciate the chance to work with you and hope this holiday is filled with reflection and joy for you and your loved ones.  

Reviews: In today's world, reviews make a huge difference in online presence.  If therapy has been helpful for you and you would be willing to take a moment and write a review on one of the platforms I am listed on, it would be greatly appreciated.  Click HERE to find links for review.   

If you know of anyone in need of a therapist, I will be taking on new clients. Please feel free to pass along my information. 

Happy Holidays,

Dave Jaeger M.M.F.T.

Lonely

"I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself"

Trends.  In the therapy setting, I often see particular themes in the lives of my clients and in my own personal journey.  

Today, I thought I would address one trend I am seeing a lot of lately.  Loneliness.  

Loneliness defined:

• sadness because one has no friends or company. (This is harsh right???)

• the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.

Loneliness sounds like:

• "People are not interested in me"

• "I don't want to be a burden to others"

• "Sometimes it is easier to just stay home"

• "I am too much...or not enough"

Loneliness feels like:

• Lost with no direction...feeling there is no way out

• Numbness, lacking control

• Nothingness

We all experience loneliness in our lives.  Some experience it for longer periods/more frequently than others.  Loneliness happens often because we have moved, a relationship has ended, during travel, or when we miss home.  Those situations are a normal part of life and we often don't have much control over them.   

However, there is a second kind of loneliness.  This form is often more difficult and happens when we feel a deep seeded sense something is wrong with us, we don't fit, and feel hopeless in the ability to create real connection.  No circumstance causes this, it is more a place we find ourselves in.  Even if we did connect, we feel that quickly people would see through us and find beneath the surface a person not worth knowing.  

This loneliness tells us it is easier to stay home and watch Netflix than to connect.  It leaves us feeling like every call/invite we receive is not a genuine invite or comes from a place of others feeling bad for us or obligated to invite us.  Why would others want us around?  Why would anyone care how I am doing?  

It reminds me of a Donald Miller Quote from Blue Like Jazz where he says: "I have always been afraid those who know me a little will like me a lot, but those who know me a lot will like me a little".  Loneliness can leave us feeling like friends can and most likely will leave at any moment.  If failure is inevitable, we feel hopeless in even trying...we quit seeking connection before we even give it a shot.  We eliminate ourselves before the game has even started.  

Failing by not trying is easier than failing when we put in effort and are left rejected.  Fear of rejection may be the single biggest driver of loneliness.  We fear, so we try to protect ourselves. An easy way to do that is to isolate.  We can't get hurt when we isolate.  

But we can get lonely.  

I have many more thoughts on this I will share over the next few weeks.  For now, I would love to hear your thoughts on loneliness, its causation, its escalation, or simply what it feels like.  Hope to hear from you...until next time.

As always, you can find me here:

• Restoration Therapy Nashville - 909 18th Ave South, Nashville, TN

• Restoration Therapy Brentwood - 9001 Overlook Blvd, Brentwood, TN

• Mobile: (615) 428-5513 - Dave

Miller, D. (2007). Blue like jazz. Logia. 

Thoughts on Change

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

-Socrates

It seems to me that one of the biggest barriers for folks considering counseling is questioning if change is possible. We hear stories of change happening. However, when we reflect on our own relational/inner challenges, change often appears out of reach. 

Responding differently to those who frustrate us, engaging our fear, not playing anxiety's games, refusing to allow depression to keep us isolated, or truly listening to our emotions (all different forms of change), can often feel as complex as learning a new language. And, unfortunately, we haven't found pills that cure anxiety or fix your marriage yet.  

Change is difficult.

We live in a culture where we are incredibly hard on ourselves. We are surrounded by pictures/movies/ads/voices/friends that can make the best of us seem to be lacking in one area or another. Feeling "less than", "not enough", or "too much" are now common thoughts for many of us. Our self-expectation quickly can become unrealistic, and unhealthy.

Sadly, all this pressure we load on ourselves does not motivate change.  It appears to overload us with shame, guilt, and fear instead. These negative emotions/motivations are not solid ground on which to seek change. 

As a matter of fact, those motivations are often the single most common reason change eludes us. Every time we fall short, the "hard on ourselves" voice repeats the "not good enough..." lines.  Then, often after we fall short of our unhealthy expectations a few times, those little negative tapes in our heads make a small, but dangerous turn.  

They sneakily switch from "I'm not good enough" to "I'll never be good enough".    

How do we break some of these negative patterns/cycles? Here are a few thoughts I have been tossing around:

What if pursuit of change was centered on a motivation that you are enough just as you are...right now? 

What if one of your primary focuses in regard to change was living in the present moment? The unchangeable past and unpredictable future are breeding grounds for shame, regret, worry, anxiety, and fear.  What if you spent your time and energy on here and now?

What if changed ceased to be about earning love, worth, or value, but rather was about accepting that you, in your most vulnerable humanity, are lovable? Accepting that your imperfections make you lovable.  

What if it means taking care of yourself, listening to your heart, body, and responding to those needs?  

What if caring for yourself was not selfish, but critically important?

What if it was about living the life you want, as much as possible, today? 

What if the focus wasn't fixing something broken (negative), but building something new (positive)?

What if...

Barbara Arrowsmith-Young is the Creator and Director of Arrowsmith School and Arrowsmith Program, and the author of the international best-selling book The Woman Who Changed Her Brain (www.barbaraarrowsmithyoung.com/book). She holds a B.A.Sc. in Child Studies from the University of Guelph, and a Master's degree in School Psychology from the University of Toronto (Ontario Institute for Studies in Education).

This is a beautiful story of change. It's not easy, but it's possible.